I spent about six months in IIT as a project associate. I was accompanied by my good friend vijay through these six months. This is a purely fictional account of our time at IIT . I'd also like to point out here that it might be a little difficult to get some of these puns if you didn't know civil engg. or vijay. so here it goes....to the self proclaimed god of concrete... cheers!
The following, as the title suggests is about a great man who lived in the ancient times.In this narrative, the author has made an effort to clarify most of the conflicts as it comes. Explanations are available in the glossary at the end. Any references to a certain character in the batch of 2006-10, civil engineering is purely intentional. Few snapshots have also been submitted as visual aids for the readers to understand the following better.
Long long time ago(sic) there was a legendary man who went by the name of kumboy. No one knew his full name. No one dared to ask. He was one among the great thinkers of his time1 and it was believed he had gone so deep into science and its applications that many of his peers and contemporaries mistook him to have acquired certain superpowers. It was believed that many knotty problems unravelled itself in abject fear when it ‘passed’ his desk. the following is based on a small vignette scripted by my great great great granpa, who was one of his associates even before2 Kumboy had become legendary.
As with all documentaries, the story starts in a sleepy town where, a boy just turns 22.
The boy decides he’s had enough of school life. They had stopped feeding his mind a long time ago and he had humoured his parents’ wish to continue his schooling only because he had a very bad sense of humour. "I want to go to faraway lands in search of greater wisdom or de-seeded dates, whichever I get my hands on first”3 he declared, to a stunned gathering.He set out the very next day in search of wisdom, giving away all his possessions to his brother and his ring to a tall guy with a white beard. He walked for a long long time4 through deserts, hills and rivers. In due course, He proved that the earth was round, twice5. Weary and mentally worn out , he was desperately craving for wisdom; the mere thought of a book’s touch sent shivers down his spine.
Kumboy was very very tired by the time he came across a motel. It had a great view and many great Arabian waitresses suitably dressed. Such a lovely place, such a lovely place6. As with all Arabian nights, this turned out to be just a dream.This is now explained by science as mirage. By that night he was dejected and depressed with his futile search. On the next day, as he was about to give up and jump into a nearby puddle (about 1 foot deep) ,he saw a reflection of an institute that specialized in imparting greater wisdom7. Overjoyed, he went right inside and ordered a bloody mary for his parched tongue. Since he didn’t have any worldly knowledge, he didn’t realise that he had been given rose water8 that was neither bloody nor mary.
Kumboy was very very tired by the time he came across a motel. It had a great view and many great Arabian waitresses suitably dressed. Such a lovely place, such a lovely place6. As with all Arabian nights, this turned out to be just a dream.This is now explained by science as mirage. By that night he was dejected and depressed with his futile search. On the next day, as he was about to give up and jump into a nearby puddle (about 1 foot deep) ,he saw a reflection of an institute that specialized in imparting greater wisdom7. Overjoyed, he went right inside and ordered a bloody mary for his parched tongue. Since he didn’t have any worldly knowledge, he didn’t realise that he had been given rose water8 that was neither bloody nor mary.
In this place, his knowledge grew by leaps and bounds. He played with sand, stones, rocks, wood, ball bat, etc. He was instrumental in the creation of a form of artificial sand, a special powder he named as Gondwanaland sand fumes. In short he called it OPC9 which had nothing to do with the original name. He created cubes that were a mixture of this OPC and other rocks with water; which on drying were stronger than the constituent rocks. He broke them with a sledgehammer at public gatherings to showcase its strength.
As with other geniuses, in time, he got bored of what he was doing. One night, gazing up at the stars, he found that the moon was not there. He wanted to find the place where it hid every 28 days so that he could stash away his tax money. That very night Kumboy decided he was going to go up there ,find the place and do some good to the society. There was one drawback though, He wasn’t confident of his knowledge about space.
The moon hunt wasn’t easy. Every time he tried to send shuttles into space he encountered problems. The sand in his hourglass got stuck near the neck whenever he tested the speed of his rockets10. As there was no PTA back then, he decided to send his donkey eeyore into space. A rover was also sent to aid its movement in space. As soon as it landed in space11, eeyore found out that there was no gravity. Reminded of tigger, it started springing around taking snaps and sending it back to kumboy. Eventually it died from exhaustion and lack of oxygen didn’t help the matters either.
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| the rover discarded by eeyore in space due to lack of mobility. |
After burying piglet in memory of eeyore, kumboy decided he better to go there himself. He needed a better rover and a launcher. He started experimenting and spent the next few days making random changes with his suit and his space vehicle. He designed and redesigned, constructed and demolished, built and...... ok, the point is he worked hard and ended up doing nothing.
At this point in the story the author12 is really bored of typing and is lost as to where the story has to proceed(hence the photos). He feels the story is stretching too long and this particular paragraph describing him in third person doesn’t really help the situation. So he decides to kill the character in a spectacular explosion during the launch. But the character he had just created comes back to bite him and he starts running away from it. To make peace,he comes up with this. As it is written in great hurry(while running) , the references and clarifications are stopped henceforth.
So, one fine day kumboy got bored of all his trials and tests and dropped the project(the readers were forewarned about the authors boredom;the abruptness is a result of that). He decided he better get legendary as time was running out. As he set out on his journey back home, he met a vagabond. Using his ‘acquired’ linguistic talents from his many travels, he asked him where he would get de-seeded dates(he didn't want to go back empty handed) in three different languages with a local accent (something like MGR’s nimbalki de seeded perichampazham irukkan??) .Totally stumped by his question (three languages in the same line with a weird accent was a little difficult, plus he was also deaf) the vagabond gave him some grapefruit instead. Anyway, kumboy ate it, got enlightened, understood the difference between dates and grapefruit, found bloody mary to be better than rose water and continued his journey home. By the time he reached there, he had a mild jet lag, great worldly knowledge, and a small paunch, all hallmarks of a learned scholar. He spent the rest of his life advising his people on how to construct homes with OPC and stones
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He is still regarded as the father of civil engineering among many tribes inhabiting the forests of the Amazon who honour him by dancing around the fire and throwing stones at his idol.
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| the god of concrete |
1. The exact time in history is difficult to tell as the tale starts with long long time ago, which is pretty vague.
2. This, he says is about two days before kumboy declared himself a legend. He also claimed that he gave him the idea as being a legend was lucrative at that time, but then my grampa wasn’t sober then.
3. Statements of this kind were later used in the Indian standard codes. Eg: provide minimum spacing of 3d or 300 mm whichever is less. The reference to deseeded dates here has perplexed many analysts till date.
4. Readers might say after this “long long time” we’ve come back to the present, but no, ‘long long’ is like infinite time space.
5. Once along the equator and once touching the poles, he unknowingly dispelled the theory that earth might be a ring or just a disc.
6. Duh! Hotel California
7. The name of this institute is withheld because a confidentiality agreement was signed to protect the interests of the parties involved
8. The rose here is another name and water is used instead of blood. This literary technique is used to make this statement humorous.
9. Composition of this is beyond the scope of this work.
10. This was the inspiration for many future scientists to study time travel and relativity.
11. In times yore, people believed the space to be a black table with disco lights lighting it up.hence the term ‘landing in/on space’
12. This refers to the grandchild; now, he’s bored of referencing.
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| space goggles |
