The Zuckerberg Reactions

"Freinds, today we shall look at an alternate approach to determine gender.
At present, with the sports authorities all over the world feeling insecure about the participant's gender as soon as the presentation ceremony is over,this test assumes great significance.Most of these cases are athletics based;Female athletes turn out to be males. How? more importantly, why?. God knows why. Till now,thankfully,there have been no instance of a female taking drugs to compete in the men's 100m dash. Maybe male athleticism is not glamorous enough.

Anyway, this test is very similar to the salt analysis you carry out in your chemistry labs. Very procedural, very methodical. So,kindly read through the sheet I've given each one of you,very quietly, and ask any doubts you may have as and when they arise"

The Zuckerberg tests

Test for group A.

Take a picture of the specimen, post it in Facebook and wait for 5 to 10 minutes

Observation: If there are more than 25 likes, Group A

If Group A, proceed to confirmation test else proceed to step 2

Confirmation test: Count the number of likes, if there are more than 50 likes, really hot babe.Female confirmed.

If it lies between 25-50.Highly intelligent and really good looking Female.

Test for group B.

Take a picture of the same specimen in traditional attire, post it in Facebook and wait for 5 to 10 minutes. Test gives better results with full frame snaps.

Observation: If there are more than 25 likes & comments together, Group B

If Group B, proceed to confirmation test, else proceed to step 3

Confirmation test: Count the number of likes, if there are more than 20 likes: Female, looks good with makeup and has reasonable levels of intelligence

If there are 10-15 likes and about 5-10 comments that say, Pei, boodham, ghost, booth etc.. smart Female with reasonably good looks.

Test for group C.
Get a mug shot of the specimen’s face; Replace it as the DP of the specimen. Post status message: "I'll strip if NDA decide on their presidential candidate"
The Status message should vary according to reaction conditions. The general conditions should make favourable for a SN1 reaction; the first step should be a slow step and it should be totally dependent on the substrate concentration. Other examples of such reactions include Sachin's 100th 100, Sania's second round qualification etc.
Observation: If there are more than 25 likes & comments together, Group C
If Group C, proceed to confirmation test, else proceed to step 4
Confirmation test: Analyse comments under microscope,
If there are positive/ vulgar comments with more than 15 likes, Female with severe attention issues.
If there are 5-15 likes with 10 comments discussing topics like world politics, Chennai heat, TNEB power cut etc. Differently abled female face(being politically correct)

Test for group D.

If Test for group C yields a negative test, put Shakthi kapoor and the specimen in the same room.

Observation & confirmation :If Shakthi runs out, Test confirmed: Specimen is Male

If the specimen runs out, the test is inconclusive, proceed with DNA tests.

"So friends, you may ask me, what if the DNA tests comes out inconclusive? Then, the benefit of the doubt can be given to the batsman. Wait, wrong sport, Sorry. Anyway, if the tests are inconclusive, Pinki Pramanik Can retain her medal and live happily ever after.

Boys and girls,We have come to the end of today's class and I’ll leave u with this thought for today. This is what Thiruvalluvar wrote after watching the Epic, lock stock and two smoking barrels

Thuppaki thuppala thuppaki thappagi thuppakith

thappala two mazhai

G’bye friends...cheerio sweeties"

G1:Dei ram what is his name??

G2:Professor Michael Jackson

G1:OOHH I see... ok da bye...

Rose Tinted

Beauty? What is that? I don't know. Neither can I define it. This train is presently chugging along at 80kph through dry, barren agricultural lands. It’s that time of the year when the nature is scantily clad in greenery & the sun relentlessly beats down on it. The coach is sultry and scorched with the railway fans blowing really really hot . While most co passengers are grumbling about their fate , I silently enjoy the travel, sitting by the window.

When it was inevitable that I would be travelling in sleeper class, I was chided for not planning my trip early, I was told it'd be unbearable, I was told I would shrivel up like a raisin, I was told I would become two tones darker by the time I got down. I agree, it is hot, it is sapping. But I wasn't told there would be a variety of gregarious co passengers, not in the least bit self absorbed. I wasn't told I would be witnessing unbelievable shades of brown and "dry grass" green, I wasn't told I would be witnessing a picture perfect profile of a lady framed in the golden evening sun. I wasn't told that the sun, setting on these barren lands would look so spectacular. Maybe I’m mad; maybe it’s the heat frying up my brains. But I really wish I could show you these things through my eyes or at least through a lens; if only the subject in contention was less transient.

As I get up and move towards the door I realize that for me, all train journeys are beautiful regardless of the conditions, unless of course, you're mobbed by people with unreserved tickets, then it does becomes unpleasant. I use the word beautiful because beauty is something that captures you. The sound of metal rattling along the tracks is a mesmerizing rhythm of human achievement. The pleasure of standing on the footsteps and watching the ground beneath zoom past you is priceless

As I stand here, the wind blowing across my face I’m reminded of another remarkable journey I had few years back. In my previous Job I had to take the Chennai MRTS to reach my work place. On that particular day, the work had been strenuous and I was just returning back . As usual, I was at the footsteps along with a few others. The day had been dark and cloudy throughout, totally in sync with my gloominess. Soon enough, there was a cloudburst and it started raining like crazy. The train at this point was travelling so fast that these drops, as they fell down, were striking us horizontally. We were drenched from head to toe in no time. Those ten minutes defined the word 'bliss'. Absolute bliss. we stood there shaking while the more formally attired co-passengers looked at us balefully.Now, imagine a shower of cold water at full throttle on your face, that would be just half as good as this. A jet ski ride?? Hmm comparable, I would say.

Presently, I spot the chai wallah at the end of the coach and I want a cuppa.As i wade across back to  my seat, the girl sitting across looks even prettier. The reddish glow of the setting sun and a smile playing on her lips; oh wait, I think she has been aware of me stealing glances at her all this time.
Life is beautiful. Isn’t it??