(One morning, all bleary eyed, I walked up to the wash basin at the nearer of the two ends. After theatrically splashing my face with water and admiring myself on the mirror with the water rolling down my face, I caught sight of a lone hammer, held captive, balefully staring out of the open door. Below the glass casing was written : "hammer for breaking the window glass for emergency exit" . My cognitive powers had not peaked as yet as it was still pretty early in the morning and my pausing and parsing was going all wrong...)
From my travel diaries : Exigency plan for a burning train (a step by step guide to exit through the emergency exit)
What to do when the AC coach catches fire?
Aaaaaaaaaaah fire… eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee save meeeeeeeeeeee?
No , this is not the right response. what is the right way? read on.
- Don’t panic. Stay put. Take a deep breath. Let it out, see whether that blows off the fire. No? "NOOOO.WHAT DO I DO NOW?" you enquire politely.
- Keep calm. You are in an AC coach, maintain your dignity. Politely apprise your co-passenger of the situation in crisp English. "Fire fire aaag aag (with appropriate hand gesticulation)"
- Next, look for an escape. Emergency windows are located near the ends of all AC coaches. Locate it.
- Once you have located it, collect your wits, get a hold of yourself and move on. you need to find the hammer. The hammer at the end of the compartment.The light at the end of the tunnel. (Send a small prayer to make sure you are moving towards the right end as the hammer is placed only at one end sometimes).
- The seconds are ticking by.Run. Courage favours the brave, brave favours the fortune, no fortune favours the brave. Don’t be confused like this, be calm. Proceed to the exit. Avoid stampede. Make a single file. Sing 'fire in the mountain' and people will run run run, Run along with them.
- Now pay attention.The next step has the distinction of extracting an expletive out of every person who has tried it, realized the stupidity of all this and saved himself, by jumping out of the train. But you are cultured, you speak fluent English. So when you see 'this'… don’t panic.
- 'This'
- ’this’ that you see near the door might seem like one of Jigsaw’s wicked schemes, it is if you think about it… but you become a better person for it.
- Wipe off the stray tear that has trickled down. Fight the overwhelming urge to jump off the train. It might just be two steps away,tantalisingly close, but it is not the right thing to do. Be stupid, be noble and don’t be shallow. 17 virgins are waiting for you in heaven (it is not a good thing, you are actually gay). Don't cry. Don't die
- Clear you head, Take a close look:
 |
| The hammer with DIY instructions on top. |
How?
With a key (please observe the picture closer)
No key.
Coin?
Ok… Doesn't work, sweaty hands...
Scratch with nails ya…
Aaah that sound makes me uneasy.
Ok break it with your shoulder.
Cool beans.
- Once you have the glass out of your way take out the hammer. A small word of advice here, please don’t pause here.Why? You would look extremely stupid standing with a hammer after breaking a glass for it.There is no 'save' for you. Rush back into the inferno, against the tide, against common logic, against your faith. Trust Indian railways. This is the moment of truth.
- Find a window, swing the hammer back, aim and let it rip. You should have a good, free swing now that most of your friends have already jumped their way out of the coach through the doors.
*CRACK*
Take another swing
*crack*
Another one
*crack*
With all your might
*SPLINTER*
- Get out, the heavens will open, the rain will pour; and my friend you will remember, Hope is a good thing, may be the best of things and no good thing ever dies.
