goodness gracious great balls of fire

Oh! A football match, must watch this, my brother watches football these days, says it’s more interesting than cricket. I think I should watch too. I can understand some of the lunchtime conversations then. Hmmm I need something to eat.

Hey I know this guy, wasn't he playing with a red jersey last time? This team must have bought him; bro says IPL is just like this.Also, I think the other match wasn't live, must’ve been last year’s match. Every sport channel does that. Lovely!! Live football and it is so exciting. I can be all knowledgeable and stuff tomorrow. Hmmm wait, I know this guy too and he was playing in red last time. Must have be an exodus of some kind. Hey wait, I know this. This is their other jersey; bro once told me they change colours. Yes, jersey change it is, away jersey right?? I see their logo. Amazing boy, you are just amazing. What a genius.

Hey everyone is falling around this guy, I think he’s going put one goal. Wait, that doesn’t sound right he’s going to score. Better. Oh!! A Spectacular save.. Yes the commentator agrees, it’s always safe to agree with him. I've seen a spectacular save now. Looks pretty ordinary to me though, maybe he was diving to his wrong side or something. Halftime!! and the scores are 0-0

Aah bald guy, change channel. Hey Rambo guy is killing like mad, look arnie is also there. Go Rambo shoot their guts out of their asses. That doesn’t even make sense tehehe.arnie’s got a gun arnie’s got a gun. Shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot. Break. I hate breaks. I like these chips though, nice flavour. Stupid saif, dhoni always tastes better. Ok scratch that. Hey look this car race is tomo. Must watch that too. kinda cute watching them drivers go round and round bobbing their heads. oh shit! the football

What? 1-0?? Hmph!! I don’t like this one bit. I sit through a boring first half, the entire 46 minutes of it and they have scored when I’m not watching? There would be a discussion on this tomorrow and I won’t know a thing. Bad defending? Foul? Free kick? Penalty?how I wish I could see it again.

oh Yay!! Replay. How sweet of them. I’m so lucky. Hmmm nice goal. Also this white team is FCBDA.(he he... looks like some sri lankan cricketer's initials). I thought it was the other team all along. Another replay, another angle, good goal I must say… what does the commentator have to say about this? Spectacular? Ok..  spectacular goal.. YAY..oh... Ah!!!( safely reacting in all possible ways to avoid offending particular fans) full time whistle.oh goody I watched a whole match, ok the parts that I missed must have been as boring as the first half. I also managed to see arnie in action. W00t!!

Hey Lunch conversation, here I come .

“bastards you lost 3-0” 

what? What are they talking about? “1-0?”

“ ya man did u watch that?? Boring no?? this was awesome”

There was another match? Oh! the late night fixture! Damn!! 

The 30 minute trip

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now,
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change. 
-lynyrd skynyrd

DAY 0

I planned for a three day vacation and had promptly booked the onward and return tickets to Bengaluru. The plan was to make up plans for the three days ad hoc.Good idea? Probably not. But those three days were all weekdays & since none of my friends would take off from their offices just to look at my face, I decided I'd better not plan anything.Too much of planning!! no 'plan' from now . Once I landed there I realized the days were going to be really boring.To beat the boredom, I decided to scoot out off banglore. Asking around, I learnt Belur-Halebidu-Shravanabelagola could be covered in 1 day (there's a one day packaged tour organized by KSTDC that costs you about 1100/head). Not wanting to be confined by schedules, I decided to make my own itinerary.
  
1) Catch a bus to Belur monday night.
2) Belur & Halebidu by Tuesday.(learnt from sources that this would be really easy)
3) Reach Hassan by Tuesday night
4) Shravanabelagola on Wed and return back to banglore by afternoon.

This route is a part of the Banglore-Mangalore highway

 With this rough plan, I took leave from my friends at around 2100, monday. Bangalore was already nodding off to sleep and I didn't want to be stuck without transportation.In 20 min I was at the "Majestic" bus station .225 km they said.5.5 hours they said. What I didn't anticipate was that the last bus to chikmanglur (all of them have to go via Belur) was at 2300. Too early. I'd be stuck at the Belur bus stand at 0430. So, I called up a few people, checked few maps and came to the conclusion that I could either sleep in the bus stand and wait for sunrise or proceed to chikmanglur which, by my interpretation of the map would be about an hour or more from Belur. Chikmaglur seemed a better option & I'd got some positive reviews earlier (I'm paraphrasing here): "Chikmanglur \m/","Chikmanglur \/",etc.

The bus started off at about 2245 and I drifted off peacefully into REM sleep.After sometime bus stopped somewhere. People started getting down. 0430 ? Ha! Belur! lets see how your bus stand looks at.... wait... .As I moved down the aisle I realized almost the whole bus was empty and the remaining few were also leaving.With a sinking feeling I realized I'd reached Chikmanglur and the time was just 0430. Apparently Chikmanglur was just half an hour from Belur,I felt a little cheated by fate there.
This shock was nothing compared to what followed in the next few minutes. I had boarded the bus wearing a "chennai summer clothing" and as I stepped out of the bus, I started shivering. I was shivering so furiously that I saw the bus stand as a kaleidoscope of yellow lights. something hot... ii nneeedd something hh oo tt. Found a coffee guy, bought myself a cup of coffee and almost poured it all over myself. I smiled at my plight and the guy assumed I was laughing uncontrollably and joined in politely. I stopped him, showed him I was actually chilled to the bone  (shivering not laughing) and needed a place to stay. stay at bus stand?? omg i'd suffer hypothermia. He assumed I was wealthy and directed me to a place that charged me Rs800/day. I was in no mood to search for an alternative as this place was about a Km away from the bus stand and the auto that dropped me had already left.

I realized that I was at the wrong place and at the wrong time.The plans oops 'plan' again.. ok no more, promise! had to be reanalyzed. I decided that could be done later and comfortably snuggled under my sheets.Time was 0500.
This place, "the planters cove" at Chikmanglur offers complimentary breakfast.I was still sleepy as I gobbled down the pedestrian breakfast gratefully. I checked out of my hotel at about 0900 paying Rs800 for The 4 hours at Rs200/hour.As I was moving out, I asked the guys at the reception about the places that I would be able to visit for say, half a day. They provided me with a small leaflet/map with all the places of interest marked on them. On further inquiry I learnt that all of them required a private transport vehicle (cab,SUV). Costly! very costly, chalo next time i'll come back with friends.I decided to walk back to the bus stand as I was still groggy. The City was fresh, cool and inviting and the gentle morning sun warmed me up.

DAY 1

I decided Chikmanglur was out of the scheme of things. The schedule was going to remain the same as the delay due to my morning mishap didn't affect my plans much. From Chikmanglur, it was a breezy half an hour ride to Belur through some really picturesque landscape (cliched but true). My first destination was The Belur temple . By the time I got down, the sun was out, trying to intimidate me. I smiled. Boss, i'm from chennai ok?? this is winter sun for us.
The Chennakesava temple greeted me with a gust of cool breeze as I skeptically stepped into the 12th century.I never expected the temple to hold my interest for more than half an hour. Till now, the trip had just been a personal journey away from anything remotely related to my life.I had wanted to be free from the world and the Android phone's "battery life" hastened the severance of these ties.So,I was least prepared for what greeted me next.I see cars, buses,trains,rockets,computers and I see the society, the polity, the laws and so many other things that gives me an exalted sense of being a human; but never have I been more in awe of human accomplishments than what I felt standing at this temple. I felt like a kid again, trying to gather up data on this wonderful work of architecture.The structures were all shaped like stars in the plan. There were columns that had a cross section of a 16 point star. The detailing was delicate and not even a square inch was spared naked.

the imposing entrance -Belur

the temple, as viewed from the entrance

do u see the filigree work?? each of those beads looked soft as though they might be blown away anytime

columns...

 On my way from Chikmanglur, I had spotted a dam. I wanted to cover that too. There is something about gushing water that’s really awe inspiring. Something inside me said “dams are for evenings”. I agreed. Then Halebidu it is, I decided. On my way back to the bus stand, I stopped by a sugarcane juice stall. Rs 15 for 200 ml of ambrosia.  Wattey!! 

Halebidu is a quaint village situated at about 15 km from Belur; the travel takes about half an hour by the buses that ply the route with good frequency. This journey through rural Karnataka is even better than the Chikmanglur-Belur stretch.For me,The Halebidu temple did not work the same magic as Belur did in terms of the first impression.This temple starts a little abruptly. The presiding deity is lord Shiva (Hoysaleswara) and the structures are similar to the Belur temple. This temple has a history of its own , being the capital of the Hoysala dynasty for sometime. Refer wiki for detailed accounts,time period etc. The stand out points of this temple apart from the carvings is the two "Nandhis” majestically positioned before Shiva and the archaeological museum adjacent to the temple. If I had hired a guide he’d have told me why there were two Nandhis instead of one. I decided I would read it up later.say no to guides. These Nandhis are about three fourths the size of the Brihadheeswara Nandhi at Tanjore.

Halebidu, a small part of the temple that i found fascinating

The museum that is situated near the temple is brilliant. As this was my first exposure to an archaeological museum, I might be over reacting. It is not very big. Various figurines & inscriptions that were found at the nearby ruins are put up for public display. Photography is "strictly prohibited" here. I got a wind of how the sculptures were classified into Shaivite, Vaishnavite or Jaina gods; the coiffure, the posture, the presence of third eye, etc.; thoroughly absorbing. There was also a huge statue (20 feet) of Bahubali among the ruins.

By 1400 the sun was trying really hard to make me sweat, I yielded, I’m accommodating that way. I had also worn two layers of clothing after the Chikmanglur incident. After having 3 glasses of fresh pineapple juice for Rs40  The cost of one in Chennai.  at a nearby shop,I got misled for the first and the last time asking around for the bus stand. I Walked for half a km before someone told me it was very near to the place I started from.

I reached Belur at 1500; I woke up inside the bus at 1515. By this time people had boarded the bus for the return journey. Sheepishly, I trudged out of the bus and proceeded to the nearest hotel for lunch. Tomato rice+onion bonda+curd. Oh ya, coffee. In these parts of Karnataka it is advisable to have coffee at least three times a day. Awesome stuff. Recharged after the nap and the lunch, I decided to visit the dam before proceeding to Hassan. The Yagachi dam is about 2 km from Belur and I Hired an auto for Rs 80, to and fro. After capturing the mandatory, uninspiring, still water snaps, I sat down upstream listening to the water lapping at the shores. A blissful 20 minutes later, I headed back. The total time for this trip was *drum roll* 30 minutes.

the mandatory snap - upstream

 The Belur - Hassan route falls on the Bangalore-Mangalore highway. Being used to the TNSTC/SETC busses that struggle to touch 70kph this fellow seemed to be driving at a breakneck speed. This route was dotted with wind turbines set to a backdrop of the setting sun. With the cool breeze setting in, when was it hot?? the half an hour passed by unnoticed.

Hassan: This place is reasonably big, has an out of the world bus terminus that has come up outside the city. Not joking, with space for malls on the first floor, it looks like an airport.  But I did understand that it was just a matter of time before it became a soulless urea smelling spit covered BS. This city seemed like a great place to camp. The time was 1700 and another glass of sugarcane juice had just been consumed at the bus stop. Mint flavour  .Feeling fresh, I decided I’ll finalize the next day’s plan before I bunked. I went to one of those ‘may I help you’ desks and asked the mustachioed fellow sitting there “how to reach Shravanabelagola” in Hindi followed by an English translation. I got a clear, lucid reply in Kannada, both the times. After a few minutes of wild gesticulations, I understood that there were no direct busses to that place from Hassan. I did not like this. Being tired already, I realized travelling could be difficult the next day. There was a place called Chanrayapattana, half an hour from Hassan, from where busses left to Shravanabelagola every 15 min. I also learnt that this town Chanrayapattana was well connected from Hassan.

I reached Chanrayapattana at 1800 and Shravanabelagola at 1830. A Good Samaritan helped me out with the “bus transfer” at Chanrayapattana; he was also headed to Shravanabelagola.On reaching Shravanabelagola, I spotted a dharmashala run by the temple trust.“The Gomateshwara temple is open from 6 to 6”, the guy at the Dharmashala informed me. I was really tired and I decided to bunk there. The rooms did not disappoint me and they came at an awesome bargain of Rs 210/room (double bed). At 1930 I ventured out to take my dinner.

bird's eye view of Shravanabelagola from the hillock

 Shravanabelagola is a sleepy town around a small hillock that houses the Gomateshwara temple. This town springs to life in the evening. Pushcarts loaded with delicious Street food (mostly chat items) line up on the road side. There are two colleges nearby and boys/girls come out for a walk and take a bite as they return. I gobbled down an ‘Indian’ sandwich for 15 bucks from one of these shops potato masala, pudina chutney, tomato, beetroot, onion, cucumber +two slices of bread, toasted with a dollop of butter. The power went off at eight. Used to all this, I inquired about the scheduled cuts in these parts. Overjoyed at the sight of an informed tourist, he proceeded to explain that the power cuts are scheduled every alternate hour. I slept at 2200 as the fans creaked on and woke up at 0600 as the fans creaked off.

DAY 2

I started at the foot of the temple at 0630. The hillock leading up had about 650 steps. Read somewhere didn’t count.  It’s not a difficult climb. At the top you witness the imposing statue of Bahubali. I had seen a few photographs before and was mildly disappointed with the height. Surveying the place I realized that photographs of the form had to be taken from very close due to the arrangement of the temple. This meant addition of an “apparent height” from that angle. The idol was still pretty huge. There was an aura of “I” as in “This is what I am, go ahead judge me“ about this naked form. Strangely inspiring.

I reached the foot of the hill at 0800 and took my breakfast at the Raghu “restorant”. This breakfast was duly washed down with a cuppa coffee. Direct busses from Shravanabelagola to Bangalore are available at 0700, 1030, 1530 & 1800. So with time to kill I roamed around the town which was back to its “sleepy” mode. While this fellow roams about Shravanabelagola, I’d like to clear your nagging doubt. Why the 24hr clock? Well I’m lazy, I have to use colons and AMs and PMs with every mention of the time. It is tedious. So there.

raghu restorant's pongal with vada (the mandatory food pic of a travelogue)

 The journey to Bangalore is about 3.5 hours. It might have been lesser. My bus got stuck up in Bangalore traffic for about half an hour and I reached Bangalore at 1400. Battle worn and hungry, I promptly proceeded to MTR (lalbagh) for my lunch and ordered "1 number meals”. This is otherworldly stuff,this meals thing at MTR, really, not joking, food of the gods. Come on,gods MUST like bisebelebath. what else would they eat if not this? masal dosa maybe. Anyway I digress.Though there is the urge, I’ll not dwell on my lunch, let’s just say you need to deserve it to enjoy it.

Summary, suggestions

Duration       : 1.5 days, 1 day if you are taking the package tour

Cost             : About 1-1.5 k, I made some stupid decisions so I paid a little more.

Grouse         : KSRTC bus conductors are leeching swindling bastards. Carry change in every denomination, even antique coins if need be. They keep short-changing you. Also there are no 1 bed rooms you have to pay for two bed rooms everywhere. Do I take my girlfriend? If this post really seemed romantic, why not?

Additional info: Blog post length: 3 pages in ms word (just the text)

 

ROFL among other things

Answer these questions before you go ahead.
Do you wear pastel shades to office?
Do you wear full shirts?
Do you button your cuffs?
Do you reach office well before time?
Do you shave your beard daily?(insert appropriate/similar question for ladies)
Do you?? punk??(OK, this was not part of the original post.'twas included purely to make this post cool(Clint Eastwood=Cool), which has been severely compromised by this "longish" sentence with apostrophes and brackets) 
Do you still want to continue reading this??


If the answer to any of those questions, esp. the last one is a "yes", proceed....
Being prude is difficult.Time and time again there are challenges thrown at the guy who's all "law and order" to test his resolve,if not to break it. Here, we take up the case of ROFL.rofl? yes ROFL..

Many a time we are moved to "laughing out loud" ( LOL in modern parlance) while reading/listening to a joke. But, when you use the extreme version of it, the ROFL (rolling on the floor laughing), you feel the tug in your heart for not doing justice to the phrase.This post here, shall serve as a guide through the process of redeeming your faith in justice, law, mother in law. etc.

The problem with ROFL in comparison to other laughing styles is the time constraint. You are sitting on your chair one instant and you are expected to be rolling on the floor in the next, laughing(this is very similar to target setting. "you are supposed to roll in two seconds. I don't want to know how. work extra time if you want").So, this is how you get there.These are open to improvisations to suit your needs

1. As you read Mails/passages having subjects such as "Fw: hilarious", "FW: funny " etc., get up from your seat.Continue reading it as you unbutton your cuffs and roll your sleeves (skip this step if you are wearing a T shirt). When you are done with reading it, gauge your instant reaction, if it is not worth ROFL, you can always go back to your seat. If it is worthy, lie prone on the ground and start rolling and laughing simultaneously.Rolling for 3-4 secs should suffice for most jokes.

An artist's representation of ROFL in olden times.
https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/430295_484052234957703_1600900387_n.jpg

2. You've just read a "forward", you're caught in two minds, rofl? lol??You decide ROFL. You stand up.The buttons take time to come loose. There are deadlines to keep. PE is watching. Time is Ticking. what do you do?? what do u DO?? Here's what you do. As soon as the decision(ROFL) is made, lunge out of your chair. Now, airborne, using all your Bond/Bourne movie experience, do a somersault in the air such that you land on the ground rolling. Start laughing as soon as you hit the ground.This  is a complicated maneuver which can be mastered with time and practice. The experts can lunge,roll and get up in one sync. motion like a boundary fielder chasing down a ball.

Miroslav Klose finds something funny on the field (a bald referee scratching his head??)
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_VO55IT-lb1I/TDHoKeaxQKI/AAAAAAAAA1o/QTsYrZvXEBc/s1600/Miroslav_Klose_Salto_Flip.jpg


3. All of us like trolling. We also like loopholes. In fact, we LOVE loopholes.In Indian mythology, Vignesh trolls Karthick in the gnyanapazham (fruit of wisdom) examination with a brilliant argument.So,What is our ROFL loophole?
You have just consumed Andhra meals and you are pretty sleepy, but u still want to be a man of immaculate character. You find something funny, and you want to rofl (lower case 'cos of sleepiness).
Here's your argument/solution.
your chair has wheels--> it rests on the floor --> you are sitting on the chair. This clearly establishes the fact that you are sitting on a chair that can roll on the floor. Just roll around laughing ... ROFL... also ROCL..

It's always sunny at the MAC

 India VS Pakistan series is it? If the late VK Ramasamy was here with us, he’d have said “naa apopave sonnen ippidiyellam nadakkumnu” roughly translated as, “I warned you about this earlier”. The media is debating about it, the actors are debating, the fans are debating, the franchises are debating and the cricketers, well they are just plain confused. Amid all this, the bookies continue betting. But, at its midst hangs an ethical question that is so big that it is not visible; like the dot inside a big circle, nobody notices the circle.

I’m just a lay man, I get to read the paper once in three days, I don’t find news channels entertaining and I find Akshay Kumar’s movies more interesting than Arnab Goswami. What do I see? Rather what do I glimpse? For a guy who flips through the daily news paper real quick, stopping now and then for headlines or waistlines that grab my eyes, I found that almost every week there are at least one to two incidents at the border. Incursions, breaches, attacks, bombings, kidnappings and what not. I’ve become so numb to that these articles look like old Gopal toothpowder ads on The Hindu; a headline with a fancy font with some girl smiling, only, this is more macabre.

Now coming to the point, what prompted me to write this?? Well I’ve seen govt/pvt. Offices up close in India and responsibility is something that one rarely assumes. Besides this, Most of our actions are reactive in nature. The general solutions to most of the tricky situations is to either wait for the problem to solve itself or wait for time to heal the hurt or the best option: blame it on someone else. Appallingly, most border issues seem to be treated with classic Indian courtesy.

While you travel through the slow evening traffic, You encounter all kinds of people, poor, rich, the aggressive, the timid, the interested, the disinterested, the irate, the cool etc. a veritable microcosm of our society. They play out the emotions of the society beautifully, the patient driver who grumbles as the aggressive cuts across. The ignorant, who is more, involved with his music than his surroundings, the grouch who does nothing but gripe about his plight, a "know it all" guy who opines on everything under the sun without being asked….. you get the picture now. Now, let’s say there is a bombing and say, this is analogous to a traffic jam. Everyone starts getting impatient, they start honking, abusing, questioning, shouting, suggesting diversions and some of the educated lot starts suggesting options to improve the road. You can imagine the whole rigmarole. Now the govt steps in, asks a few cars to stop, diverts some of the traffic to the other side, eases up the tension a little and the traffic gets back to its normal slow moving pace. People at the front are disgruntled, while the those at the back don’t even realize the event as the pace had always been slow and the jam was sorted out before it could water down to them. The cardinal rule to remember here is “Every jam can be solved”

The recent Anna Hazare jam had been a big one and the traffic had to be diverted through different channels to ease the tension, but in the end everybody knew “Every jam can be solved”. Every guy wants to reach home and as long as he’s out of the melee he’s happy. So it just sorts itself out in time and the next morning all is forgotten. The real issues that are to be resolved are never resolved. “Why sweat over it?” they ask. Future promises can be built on these present problems and if they do get out of hand, you can always blame the previous Govt for it. In extreme cases; the incumbent minister can be sacked and the blame can be localised from an organization to that entity.

In general, the magnitude of the attack defines the healing period. Some questions are asked initially, then some more questions are asked, this is followed by lot more questions (same questions in triplicate as with all govt. procedures).Dossiers are sent, received. People have a good time at the embassy testing the latest printers and their speeds. Then, when enough time has passed, important questions like whether the prevailing climate is conducive for playing cricket, running trains, etc. are discussed. Heck! It’s always sunny at the MAC stadium, come over, we’ll play T20.

Ps: fundamental research activities happening across the border can be viewed here

The Zuckerberg Reactions

"Freinds, today we shall look at an alternate approach to determine gender.
At present, with the sports authorities all over the world feeling insecure about the participant's gender as soon as the presentation ceremony is over,this test assumes great significance.Most of these cases are athletics based;Female athletes turn out to be males. How? more importantly, why?. God knows why. Till now,thankfully,there have been no instance of a female taking drugs to compete in the men's 100m dash. Maybe male athleticism is not glamorous enough.

Anyway, this test is very similar to the salt analysis you carry out in your chemistry labs. Very procedural, very methodical. So,kindly read through the sheet I've given each one of you,very quietly, and ask any doubts you may have as and when they arise"

The Zuckerberg tests

Test for group A.

Take a picture of the specimen, post it in Facebook and wait for 5 to 10 minutes

Observation: If there are more than 25 likes, Group A

If Group A, proceed to confirmation test else proceed to step 2

Confirmation test: Count the number of likes, if there are more than 50 likes, really hot babe.Female confirmed.

If it lies between 25-50.Highly intelligent and really good looking Female.

Test for group B.

Take a picture of the same specimen in traditional attire, post it in Facebook and wait for 5 to 10 minutes. Test gives better results with full frame snaps.

Observation: If there are more than 25 likes & comments together, Group B

If Group B, proceed to confirmation test, else proceed to step 3

Confirmation test: Count the number of likes, if there are more than 20 likes: Female, looks good with makeup and has reasonable levels of intelligence

If there are 10-15 likes and about 5-10 comments that say, Pei, boodham, ghost, booth etc.. smart Female with reasonably good looks.

Test for group C.
Get a mug shot of the specimen’s face; Replace it as the DP of the specimen. Post status message: "I'll strip if NDA decide on their presidential candidate"
The Status message should vary according to reaction conditions. The general conditions should make favourable for a SN1 reaction; the first step should be a slow step and it should be totally dependent on the substrate concentration. Other examples of such reactions include Sachin's 100th 100, Sania's second round qualification etc.
Observation: If there are more than 25 likes & comments together, Group C
If Group C, proceed to confirmation test, else proceed to step 4
Confirmation test: Analyse comments under microscope,
If there are positive/ vulgar comments with more than 15 likes, Female with severe attention issues.
If there are 5-15 likes with 10 comments discussing topics like world politics, Chennai heat, TNEB power cut etc. Differently abled female face(being politically correct)

Test for group D.

If Test for group C yields a negative test, put Shakthi kapoor and the specimen in the same room.

Observation & confirmation :If Shakthi runs out, Test confirmed: Specimen is Male

If the specimen runs out, the test is inconclusive, proceed with DNA tests.

"So friends, you may ask me, what if the DNA tests comes out inconclusive? Then, the benefit of the doubt can be given to the batsman. Wait, wrong sport, Sorry. Anyway, if the tests are inconclusive, Pinki Pramanik Can retain her medal and live happily ever after.

Boys and girls,We have come to the end of today's class and I’ll leave u with this thought for today. This is what Thiruvalluvar wrote after watching the Epic, lock stock and two smoking barrels

Thuppaki thuppala thuppaki thappagi thuppakith

thappala two mazhai

G’bye friends...cheerio sweeties"

G1:Dei ram what is his name??

G2:Professor Michael Jackson

G1:OOHH I see... ok da bye...

Rose Tinted

Beauty? What is that? I don't know. Neither can I define it. This train is presently chugging along at 80kph through dry, barren agricultural lands. It’s that time of the year when the nature is scantily clad in greenery & the sun relentlessly beats down on it. The coach is sultry and scorched with the railway fans blowing really really hot . While most co passengers are grumbling about their fate , I silently enjoy the travel, sitting by the window.

When it was inevitable that I would be travelling in sleeper class, I was chided for not planning my trip early, I was told it'd be unbearable, I was told I would shrivel up like a raisin, I was told I would become two tones darker by the time I got down. I agree, it is hot, it is sapping. But I wasn't told there would be a variety of gregarious co passengers, not in the least bit self absorbed. I wasn't told I would be witnessing unbelievable shades of brown and "dry grass" green, I wasn't told I would be witnessing a picture perfect profile of a lady framed in the golden evening sun. I wasn't told that the sun, setting on these barren lands would look so spectacular. Maybe I’m mad; maybe it’s the heat frying up my brains. But I really wish I could show you these things through my eyes or at least through a lens; if only the subject in contention was less transient.

As I get up and move towards the door I realize that for me, all train journeys are beautiful regardless of the conditions, unless of course, you're mobbed by people with unreserved tickets, then it does becomes unpleasant. I use the word beautiful because beauty is something that captures you. The sound of metal rattling along the tracks is a mesmerizing rhythm of human achievement. The pleasure of standing on the footsteps and watching the ground beneath zoom past you is priceless

As I stand here, the wind blowing across my face I’m reminded of another remarkable journey I had few years back. In my previous Job I had to take the Chennai MRTS to reach my work place. On that particular day, the work had been strenuous and I was just returning back . As usual, I was at the footsteps along with a few others. The day had been dark and cloudy throughout, totally in sync with my gloominess. Soon enough, there was a cloudburst and it started raining like crazy. The train at this point was travelling so fast that these drops, as they fell down, were striking us horizontally. We were drenched from head to toe in no time. Those ten minutes defined the word 'bliss'. Absolute bliss. we stood there shaking while the more formally attired co-passengers looked at us balefully.Now, imagine a shower of cold water at full throttle on your face, that would be just half as good as this. A jet ski ride?? Hmm comparable, I would say.

Presently, I spot the chai wallah at the end of the coach and I want a cuppa.As i wade across back to  my seat, the girl sitting across looks even prettier. The reddish glow of the setting sun and a smile playing on her lips; oh wait, I think she has been aware of me stealing glances at her all this time.
Life is beautiful. Isn’t it??

Fact 5

1.    RCB colours are inspired from shakthiman.

This is pretty obvious, they have the same stripes, base colour and Vijay Mallya dresses up very similar  to the mad scientist DR. Jackal (pronounced jackaaalll, This guy used to say “power” at the drop of a hat). Rumour has it that after the middle finger incident, Shakthiman landed next this Kholi fellow and advised him not to do it again. This was followed by a penitent “sorry shakthimaan” from Kholi. It is also said that Gayle is a suryavanshi and in his previous life, meditated with shakthiman’s grampa in the forests of karadunga in Meluha. In time He found Meluha pretty boring and moved to West Indies. In all fairness though,Indomitable that he is, I don’t think Gayle has seen meira kumar smile, KXIP could’ve brought her along with Pretty and they’d be leading the table now.

2.    Meira kumar’s scary

At a time when she’s running for presidential seat, this would seem like paid news. No.... not really..... This woman..... she’s really scary. I’m not exaggerating. I’ve watched her on LS TV.For those of you who have no idea about LS TV; Lok sabha TV is a Doordharshan channel that captures the best reality show in India, the Indian parliament, in its pristine beauty. Anyway, I digress here; I shall proceed to the topic in discussion. Collect various mug shots of her and make a slide show with these in movie maker. Use fade out and fade in options only. Use a suitable soundtrack. A sound track with the wind howling through trees should do. If you still think u have seen better, get those shots where she’s smiling; the ones with her teeth showing. Evil dead will be a tickle after this.

3.    Ghosts are sadistic

They are, they are. Apparently souls with unsatisfied desires become ghosts. They torment people guys and girls alike. If you are a hot babe, the lecherous ghost lets you run around in a bikini while it follows with hands raised (similar to the ones in Scooby doo). Ghosts having low confidence levels come over to kollywood and torment Raghava Lawrence. Ghosts are easily irritated by scooby doo though, it’s analogous to a successful guy listening to someone say “behind every successful man there’s a woman”;there's always a man behind every ghost.
There are some ghosts that seem to have a heart. But no! They are devious . They help a random middle class couple get together; get married. After this the ghosts hang/float around with other dudes with some popcorn and watch as the couple move into an apartment, have problems with apartment associations, apartment kids, their kids, school fees.etc. Insidious I say!  And what is to be said if the female contracts cancer and the guy dies of a heart attack on being informed of it. Diabolic ghosts! 

4.    Jumping is the best solution:

Talking of death, jumping is the best method for suicide. Not jumping from 2^nd or 3^rd floor,jumping from the skies. Why? I always base it on movie experiences, they reflect our society like no other

     Action: Heroine consumes a lot of sleeping pills to abort a bad marriage

     Result: She is rescued by the hero or is saved by a well wisher after being rushed into the ICU at top speed in a stretcher. The heroine actually likes this part; imagine being pushed through the corridor at top speed..... weeeeeee

     Action: Heroine walks along a railway track to smash into an oncoming train.

     Result: This is a tedious process. You have to keep walking and the train, in most cases, never reaches you though the horn and the lights always seem to be moving towards you. This situation can be best understood by imagining the train to be a lazy cow, just mooing and grazing around the track, taking two steps at a time. Eventually you get really pissed off and u walk back home. If at all a train does come at you, some Random guy will jump in and die before you or save you. Disappointing end, either way.

    Action: Hanging

    Result: This has a pretty good success rate but you do die painfully and stand a chance of becoming a ghoul later.

      

JUMPING!

Take to the skies in a biplane (don’t go too high u might die early due to pressure diff). Jump off at the right height without a chute; perform acrobatic stunts, experience weightlessness, feel the adrenalin rush and finally for the last 100m align your body head first like a homing missile and BAM. You’ve got your death with heights of ecstasy. Brilliant?

   The worst form of dying, as most would agree, would be slipping in your bathroom and banging your head against random things. Sad and nude.

5.    One sings really well in the bathroom:

This thought would have occurred at least once to a bathroom singer. here's "why". 
This is because the acoustics of the bathroom are designed in such a way that the reverberations and resonance produced in the bathroom gives your voice that ethereal, otherworldly feel. You can actually whistle the X files theme and make it sound pretty scary if you have access to a bathroom of the right size. The other thing that aid bathroom singers, especially the ones who find their calling in carnatic music is the temperature of water. If the water is very hot, u can touch high notes with real ease. During winters, you’d have such command over your ghamakhas that you’d think you have just achieved the pinnacle of proficiency . For rock addicts there’s nothing like a hand shower hose to transport one to the screaming stage.

Thor

A heavenly hunk banished from his home lands on earth. He comes across a scientist babe.He's shirtless, She's cute. He likes her, she likes him , they fall in love and live happily separated for the greater good of something that is beyond my comprehension.Just to make things a little more spectacular , random fight sequences are staged with a fire breathing "arch enemy" who might be more at home in an iron man movie.

Throughout this rigmarole there was this nagging question:Why in gods name did a Norse god land up in new Mexico after being banished from Asgard ? why not Chennai marina beach?  Do gods , these days, impressed by "yes we can" send/banish their children to chase the American dream? (the south Indian version can have Thor carrying some qty. of  Bengal gram, rice and mango pickle from Asgard).Anyway,I sat there pondering over this while this guy was jumping about, fighting. Is it because of babes in bikinis? or is it Salma Hayek? Natalie Portman? Megan Fox? inexplicable stuff, this.
Also, while watching Thor, I learnt that Norse mythology is magnanimous.It is very accommodating and embraces everyone. There was a Chinese guy, a negro and a hot brunette among Thor's "Norse" friends.Maybe, In a few years time, the rising Indian strength in the US would show up and Hollywood would have to make way for a few Indians along with the random Chinese and Negros and Latinos that these epic movies need to have; just to represent.

So,Given that most of Hollywood's worldly and otherworldly events are going to take place in America, In the coming years, I expect Charlie's angels to feature a "Laxmi"  along with Lucy.The avengers and the justice league may include an Indian warrior princess in their force and Asgard for some weird reason will have Thor, a negro dude ,a Chinese chum and an Indian dost. To top it all Batman may learn kalaripayattu under some appukuttan in the backwaters of Kerala in the next series.

On the other side, val mickey might script a Ramayana set in Rhode island with scarlet as Sita . Karthik cross with his father Shiva over the "other banana", might land up in Kansas on a Harley Davidson.He might find his girl Vallie (portrayed by Portman) here and fall in love. Mahabharata might have bar fights set to Hans Zimmer.Even If all the adrenalin runs out of our system, we might still get Rom-coms with Ryan Gosling or Gerald Butler romancing Rumbaa or Tilotaaama.

Technical discussions.

As an employee of a technical firm in the core sector, a person faces a lot of challenges, initially. There are many assumptions, thumb rules, screw rules, left hand clockwise rules, counter clock wise rules, codes, guides, provisions, exceptions and  their revisions and finally the previous versions of the same document that ought to be referred before one can come to a conclusion on a given problem . As knowledge is both infinite and relative, everyone has an opinion on a given result. Generally the final output depends hugely on your ability to convince everyone that you are more or less right even though there might be some glitches here and there.

The English used here, as requested by the client, has been suitably modified to authentically represent an office environment.Special care has also been taken NOT to capitalize appropriate words in an effort maintain the tone at an informal level. The hierarchy of these characters are apparent; hence, clarifications are not furnished. This will be attached with the next revision of this post as an appendix if the client insists.

Curtain rises

Enter A, B, PM

Project Manager: the client has asked for a beverage that tastes well. You just prepare some document. Take two days and don’t waste too much time on it. Ok??

A: what beverage??

PM: That’s easy..  You just look up something and prepare some beverage and close the issue.. Don’t take much time. See this is not that important ya... you just prepare some beverage na…

A:  But .. sir…. Ok sir I’ll do it

A solemnly walks back to his seat.

A(soliloquy): What do I prepare?? All I learnt was how to boil water… and that too was not taught properly..

A: Hey B tell me ya what I should do.. this PM has asked me to prepare one beverage within two days

B (looks up from his work): hmmm..  You prepare something na… you follow all the standard procedures and do it..

A: what standard procedures…?

B:those are there in our library, you do one thing, you make tea.. We already have back up calculations for all the ingredients and you can always cross check

A: ok…

Exit A,B, PM

Enter A,B

A is working

B is also working

Both of them are seen checking mails for forwards

A(soliloquy) :I find there are too many varieties of tea. I don’t know what to do man.. i'm too bored now... Let me decide on three roses. It offers Strength, taste and flavour, a factor of safety(FOS) of three.  Even if one of them fails I have the other two for back up.

Enter C

Narrator (in PM’s voice): this C  na?? he’s very strong. Very strong in his fundas . he thinks also like he’s really good. He thinks like there’s some holy light glowing behind his head.

C(from behind A and B): Hey what are you doing re?

B: I’m doing some random work.. we’re not like you sir, you will be doing some high level stuff and all.

C(silently relishing the compliment): No re.. not like that and all… just time passing only… what is he doing?

B: he’s making tea… I think so…

C:tea? Nice..(turns) .How are you boiling it ya?

A: 100 deg. For two minutes

C: two minutes a??  (looks around, rolls his eyes) ok you do it .

A(slightly apprehensive of his procedure): why sir ?? it was written in that book that you have to boil it na… if you add milk you might have to boil it more maybe… but with water, it was written that it would be sufficient

C:with milk you need more time??(all knowing patronizing smile lights up his face)

A:I think so sir….. dunno…

C: ok you proceed

B(turns around and faces him):why sir what is the procedure, batake tho jao

C: ok you first tell me ki why you need to boil water in the first place..

A(enthusiastically): to get the essence out of the tea leaves…(yes!!)

C: why can’t we boil milk directly?? We will still get essence na….

A: but economically…..

C: what economically??

A: but it is quicker with water na??

C: what quicker?? I can make tea in two minutes…

A: dunno sir.. why??

B: but sir this boiling temperature changes with altitude na??

A(impulsively):Arrey! what has this got to do with this??

    Both of them look at A , no, they stare at A

   A shrivels under the gaze

C:Hmmm, A , you first you tell me what is boiling??

A:it is the process… by..

C: no no tell me the concept

A(feeling a little worthless by now):what concept sir?? I just know it is a process of water becoming into water vapour due to transfer of heat energy….. and

C:is it? Ok you tell me this What is entropy of a system??

A: hmm randomness??

C: randomness?? Ok you do one thing, you think about this thing.. I’ll tell you later… anyway, what tea are you using??

A : three roses

C:actually if you want to do it correctly means  we should use Tetly only for this, but then it’s ok, this is small work only na??. Plus you also have factor of safety so it should be alright with this.

Enter D

C: (abruptly gets up and walks towards D) hey sir this masala dosa should not be this spicy, there is something wrong with your assumptions.

D :abee yarr its ok na. Client is happy, plus the fundamentals are right na?? there is masala inside dosa.. that’s is all there is to it, hai ki nahi??

C: that’s correct sir, but there’s a small deviation….

Both exit C & D , their voices fade out, discussing.

A(soliloquy) : oh man they are discussing masal dosa, I’m still stuck with tea…

A: hey B how they are making this masal dosa man??

B: that is all complex yaar, you don’t worry about it now.

A: hey btw this “randomness” answer was correct only no??

B: correct ya.. but he will not approve until you say his answer in his exact words. That thing he keeps changing every time you tell him a correct answer

A: ok tell me what to do now… should I start looking up for Tetly tea??

B hey that is not even required for this … he’ll just keep telling you something . you just make this. This is more than sufficient…

A:ok…

A,B exit

Enter A,PM

A: Sir report.

PM: You’ve made tea?? I asked you to make coffee na?

A: sir you said any beverage…

PM: oh. They had sent a mail two days back stating they wanted coffee …  ok you do one thing you just change it.. it is simple only na… you just change it and give it to me.. we’ll send it by tomorrow morning....

A: ok...