Driving class...

The whole of February was spent trying to comprehend why the car from the driving institute was behaving the way it was. But after 15 classes (completed in bursts of 3 or 4 days with gaps of 3 or 4 days in between), they deemed me fit to drive a maruti 800.

Some stuff about the class:

1. The guy who was teaching me was 80.
2. The car was as old as him in car years. The car may have been older(pending verification)
3. The gear box was well oiled and awesome.
4. A gearshift involved stepping on the clutch with both feet and using both hands to shift.
5. The gearshifts were done with the grace of a Djokovich backhand, the only issue being that I was reversing a car, not returning a serve.
6. I completed 15 classes before he could die. He sent a silent prayer to every deity we crossed on the way, to stay alive. I would like to believe it was not due to my driving but more due to his age.
7. The brake had a generous play , almost as good as the clutch.
8. The car was capable of a top speed of 60 kph.
9. At 60 kph, the car rocked up, down & side to side.
10. All the six deg. of freedom were experienced at 61 kph, indicating the mortal peril the car was in.
11. The instructor almost had a heart attack at 60.
12. The safe speed of driving was 30 kph. Any road, any condition.
13. Any speed above 30 resulted in the instructor palpitating.
14. Hence, At the end of 15 days I was well equipped to drive a car at a wedding procession.

 Other stuffs for learners - fyi type stuffs:

1. The car turns off; shuts down and takes a nap whenever and wherever it wants to. You should not expect any sense of etiquette or humanitarian consideration.
2. The clutch, accelerator balance can be achieved by forgetting about it altogether.
3. You can look at the rear-view mirror, the side-view mirror and completely forget the windshield.
4. Objects like trucks and buses on the rear-view mirror are scarier than they appear.
5. The car is always there to take the blame for any of your shortcomings - Bad suspension (when you avoid a pothole by driving over it), Stupid transmission (when you forget your clutch), dirty windscreen (I’m not expanding this).bad seats, car is old, car is useless, no AC, etc.
6. One never knows where the edge of the car is, it is common to get an adrenalin rush just avoiding cyclists on the shoulder.
7. Tip: To turn a car without power steering: keep turning till the curd foams into butter.
8. All motorists are bastards. Except you.
9. Stray dogs, buffaloes, goats and rats have the right of way before you.
10. Buffaloes are colour blind, but, if you sound horn, they start guessing the car’s colour, in consultation with an ad-hoc panel of executives and friends.
11. For safety, the Indian roads provide you with steering assist. It is just a little random and unpredictable.
12. If you are a six footer, it is better you don’t drive with a hot girl to avoid steering issues.
13. The reversing tones have not yet moved to polyphonic. They Will not, ever.
14. Reversing is so fast; you would think the car was in 4th gear.
15. Please wear your seat-belts, carry Life vests, oxygen masks, two fire extinguishers , a blanket and 2 aspirins (for the instructor in case of cardiac failure).
16. There are no airbags so please drive safe, You are already in a sorry looking car.