i

You always loved music. You found great joy. You believed there was only one who made music. You thought there was only one worthy of acting in a movie. You felt some faces were just put on screen for cosmetic reasons. You thought certain movies did not ring true, you believed certain songs were not done justice to. You made fun of certain accents. You believed the music you liked required a presentation; a 5.1 and with great fidelity. You thought the videos were inconsistent, inconsequential. You wondered why the movie had so many songs… why?? Really … why?? Why can’t we make movies tighter, more meaningful? You felt helpless, suffered great agony. Why have two songs for the pair? Why the hero introduction song? you were angry  at times. You wondered who watched certain movies that were made. You had great many prejudices. You were so judgmental. You were so naïve…

You still like music. You still revel in its beauty. You listen to almost anything now. You don’t mind the fat guy on screen neither do you mind the thin guy. You are perfectly ok with the car’s 1.85 speakers that seem to play through only one and a half speaker at a time. You are ok with listening to even faint strains of a known song as long as it continues to play. You watch TV almost mechanically, for company. You have found new love for ‘trashy’ music channels. You are ok with the anchors too. You allow yourself to like one or two of them. A CRT screen seems more than enough and the songs don’t matter, really, as long as you are listening to something, something familiar, and something you can understand. You realize, it doesn’t matter who is singing the song as long as it is not ganaa bala, you are ok with that too, sometimes. You don’t care even if an alien voice emanates from a plastic looking face. And, sometimes, after all these years, you are still not able to forgive certain people for certain songs and the old anger sparks a fleeting smile of kinship with your old self. You listen, you nod your head, you watch, you miss the tongue, you miss the people, you miss your friends, you miss your home or what will always be your home regardless of where you go. You understand,  you stop judging...

You smile, slip on your watch, turn off your TV, take your keys and leave…